the curse of the big boob

Although it may feel like summer has already been and gone, we are apparently still amidst its sunshine filled days, apparently. And what with summer holidays and festivals fast approaching it is time to purchase a new itsy bitsy teeny weeny, a task I do not find simple or indeed enjoyable. Scrutinising my bare nekked body for that long, with rolls appearing and lumps developing due to the most unflattering of fabrics being stretched across it, somehow doesn't appeal to me, and as a big busted beauty one has to consider how much bosom is to be presented.
Don't get me wrong, I am a fan of my tiddies, but, I don't tend to get the girls out very much, preferring them to look smaller than they actually are most of the time. And when it comes to bikinis, there is a lot to think about- for instance, am I going to be running around in this garment? Is Janet Jackson's Nipple-gate likely? Also, does this bikini make me look like I have another pair of itty bitty boobies where my underarm crease should be, but instead it has somehow divided in two, and bulged out? Does this bikini have so much underwiring that it is now a unit of sorts? Does it have so little that my knockers are best mates with my knees? Will the halterneck strap slice my neck open due to the sheer weight of the ladies? (Failing to take a proper bra with me last holiday was a major mistake, my neck had a groove carved into it the entire time.) There is so much to consider, I fear I will never find one that ticks all the boxes, and still be affordable, with DD+ bikinis tending to be few and far between and far more expensive than your run-of-the-mill tie-side and triangle twinset I am bound for failure. Thank you summer for making everyone get naked, thank you God for blessing me with big ass tiddies.